Mommy Diaries - 4

Happiness is….. when you make a fresh batch of these ( Besan ke laddoo ) and your daughter , who is just learning to speak sentences says , “Amma , this is nice , amma , this is nice”. I mean , the purest form of emotion it conveys and I am so blessed to receive it :-)

Last Friday, we had the Ganesh Chaturthi and I was planning from a very long time to make a ganesh Idol all by myself with clay. I spoke to Mahati’s art teacher and took a portion of clay, which they were using in the class anyway and stored it airtight. And on Thursday morning, after Mahati and Ravi left, took a bath and sat down to make it. The end result was amazing!! Take a look.

And the whole of that day, I sat admiring the elephant god and my heart danced around with happiness. I was this happy, after a very very long time and my whole body vibrated with this happiness. Mahati came home and I introduced her to this Elephant God called “Ganesha” and she was happy to see him. Mahati is generally scared of the small temple which I have in my house and stays away from it. I don’t know if it is the lamps that I lit that scare her away. But the good news is that, after we had this clay ganesha, she sat for the pooja and offered flowers to him. And she also rang the bell when I held the aarthi in the evening. So, all positive changes and I hope Ganesha brings all that we desire this coming year!!

This is my second attempt at making eco friendly Ganesha. The first one was in 2012. Here, take a look. I made this with Chapati Dough ( wheat flour ).

Nobody can have it all !!

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/business/india-business/Why-PepsiCo-CEO-Indra-Nooyi-cant-have-it-all/articleshow/37689157.cms?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral

I read this article in which Indira Nooyi shares some of her experiences as a mother and says Women can’t have it all. At first, when I read it, I thought I couldn’t agree more. But after a lot of thought process invested into it, I realised that I beg to disagree with some points. I really do. There are very good points that I completely agree with , like the thing about the biological clock and the career clock in total conflict with each other and dying out of guilt etc.

But there is a very important point that I disagree with.

When you are not able to make it to the coffee meetings at school because you are a working mom and cannot make it and then when your daughter genuinely complains about it, you looking for options to counter attack it? I mean, seriously, taking out a list of names of mothers who couldn’t attend? Is that a genuine enough answer for your daughter who seem to have a genuine and sincere expectation from you as a parent? With all due respect, I beg to differ. The girl had a sincere and a genuine feeling of being upset, and the answer for that should have been an utmost sincere confrontation of her feelings and explanation of why the mother couldn’t make it, that's all..... A simple acknowledgement of her child’s feelings is needed and letting her know that she is a working mom and she is juggling between responsibilities and that she cannot make it. Honesty is what children need and encapsulated with all love, even if you are tending to disagree.

You know, most of the times, I think we feel that we need to mother our children and teach them values. But parenting is all about setting ourselves right, because our children are busy learning every bit of it from us. If we lie, they learn to lie. If we tell the truth, they learn to tell the truth , no matter what. If you make excuses by picking out other options, instead of facing the truth, they will do the same, at some point of time in the future. And then please dear parents, don’t complain when your children give it back to you.

Ultimately, it all boils down to priorities. Everything in life is a choice. And when you have made a choice, accept it with all heart and dare to confront your own feelings first, and in turn your children’s feelings. Because, they deserve answers and we have the responsibility to give it.

Oh yes, I can’t agree more that women can’t have it all. But you know, nobody can have it all, men included. We are humans and putting ourselves before anyone else may not be wrong. Follow your heart, but at the same time, practise some honesty and sincerity with your kids, because as you move on in life, they will become your biggest critics, because remember? They are learning from you and they observe each and every bit of you. You will be fooling yourself if you think you can hide things from them.

This is an honest attempt from me to put forth my feelings on this issue and with all due respect, no offense intended to anybody including Indira Nooyi. Ultimately, we have to be in their shoes to understand what they have gone through. 

Mommy Diaries - 3

Dear Daughter,

There is so much joy in letting out the fact that I have left no stone unturned in taking care of you. Taking care of new born is not a joke. Even though it was hard, I did everything for you. I cradled you in my arms for long hours and I kept you close to my chest whenever you were cranky, I bathed you , I nursed you , I changed your nappy and I did everything for you. I am so glad I did all that dear daughter, for I am so proud and content with myself. Not a single regret I have, especially regarding you dear darling daughter. You are slowly turning into a full fledged toddler and I and Ravi are having some blissful moments with you , which just seem to get better and better. The more you talk, the more my heart overflows with joy and feelings which I can’t express. Today, I am at my emotional peak, dear daughter and I intend to let you know how much I love you and care for you. You are my world and yes, we are getting there. The little struggles seem to be getting lesser and lesser and you are becoming more of a companion for us. Ravi and I , we are blessed to have a daughter , because we can see so many qualities that exist in you , which only females can boast of having. You have the motherly instinct right from your birth, just like me or my mother. You take care of your dolls and babies so well. Just like how I take care of you and my mom took care of me. Nobody could have ever taught us what you are teaching us. You are a little angel from God and I am so happy dear daughter. I am looking forward to the days when you would discuss your experiences at school with me, your crushes, your friends and everything. I am looking forward for the days when I can share cooking experiences with you and watch movies with you, sing Carnatic music along with you and dance along with you. Of course not that I want you to pick each and every habit of mine, but I intend to be your friend and do so many things along with you.

Yours,

AmmaJ

Mommy Diaries - 2

I had a complimentary workout session with a personal trainer at the gym today morning at 9 and so we had asked if our maid Diana could take care of Mahati as Ravi also wanted to go play a cricket match. All three of us woke up at 8 in the morning and then the plan was that Ravi will take Mahati to the nearby mall to buy her bananas and flavoured curd, and I go to the gym and Ravi to come back and  handover Mahati to Diana. We were quite sceptical as to how Mahati would react if both of us were not there. Ravi kept telling her that amma is going to the gym and nanna is going to take her to the mall for some shopping and then they come back to Diana. She dint react much but was excited about the mall trip. All three of us went to the parking and to my surprise, once I put her in Ravi’s car and said that they are going outside, she immediately said bye-bye to me. I was completely surprised and she kept waving to me until the car was out of sight. She was happy and that was what mattered the most at that point of time.

We have come a long way!! I guess this is one of the very few times, that she had happily waved a bye-bye to me and went with her dad. We have come a very long way from an always-clinging-to-the-mom child to this independent one. Of course she has her moods and suddenly declares that she cannot do without me. But this is an achievement. I proceeded to the gym as planned and when I was finished, I got a message from Ravi that she is with Diana and all is well and there was no crying. I was relieved and drove back happily. At the entrance of our building, I saw Diana and Mahati walking towards Cathy’s ( Mahati’s friend in the neighbourhood ) house. I was in a big dilemma. Should I stop and talk to her or should I act as if I didn’t see her and drive to the parking. Finally , I decided to stop as my heart went out for her. She was happy to see me and hugged me instantly. After talking to her, finally I said that she was going to go play with Cathy and I was going back to the house to have a bath. She agreed and went back to Diana and started walking towards the end of the street. Oh gosh! my heart kind of melted away. She was definitely a piece of my heart walking away and for a moment, I wondered whether it was me, who was going through separation anxiety or her? You know what we say in hindi “Jigar ka tukda”. It’s exactly the same feeling. Just can’t get that scene of her walking on the sidewalk out of my mind. And even after letting go of my job and staying with her and taking care of her to the core , after two and half years , I still feel so guilty letting her go. And now, I have to let her go and explore the world through her own eyes , and I don’t want a mama’s girl who always wants to be protected. I want her to fight her own battles and deal with her own emotions but reassuring her that I will be there when she wants to talk and share  J .

U know…. this whole separation and attachment thing……….. it’s so tricky and hard. Both clinging on to and letting her go are so so difficult. And it’s so difficult to strike out the right balance between the both!!

Mommy Diaries - 1

It took me a good 20 mins in the morning today , just to persuade Mahati to get up from her seat and get ready for school. I started off with a lot of determination that no matter what happens , I am not going to shout at her. And I guess it finally worked out in my favour. Phew!!!  And after this episode , I just got drained out completely , mentally and physically. Gosh , it can be so exhausting talking to kids and convincing them on what we want them to do. Because the first word that comes out ouf Mahati’s mouth whenever I ask her to do something is a big “NO”. Then we have to work it out from there. Most of the times , I end up shouting at her , even though that’s not I wanted to do at the first place. Pushing and testing limits , that’s what children do best I guess. And for an organised and not so “change” liking personality like me , its so hard to come to terms with it and start smiling and enjoying life.

Ofcourse I have my own sweet little bliss times with her. Life is bliss when she hugs me, thanks me and smiles at me. Here is a proof of that J

Are Women really equal to Men?

It was different two to three decades ago. Women were less than Men or to be precise, they were treated that way. They were treated inequally and denied all chances to perform , let alone succeed in it.

Thankfully , things have changed.  It took time , but it changed. Now you can see girls going to school , they performing and later on working and also becoming the CEO’s of companies. Good ! Now a woman is no less than a man. This is the perception with which young girls and boys go ahead. They are correct in schools , colleges and offices. Its right even after you get married. Now , husbands have started contributing at home too and share equal responsibilities. All is fair. What happens once children are born ? Now I realise that women can never be equal to men and vice versa. All the thought processes and conditioning of equality  go for a toss. Because , now you become a mother and a father respectively. For a child , a father is never equal to a mother. God has designed it that way. The woman gets pregnant  and almost gives her life to give birth to the child. And after that , mother is the whole and sole in the world for the child in the initial stages at least.  

Now-a-days , independence is the key to happiness for the young generation. You are a free being and you can do whatever you want. People talk about “having space” in their relationships and how it plays a key role in making them happy.

For a mother , there is no independence after a child is born, at least in the initial years of their development. The poor little thing is so much dependent on the mother for everything. Many people talk about its advantages of how blessed a mother is that she is able to have the child with her all the time whereas the father cannot. Very well said. It’s true. But every coin has two sides. The other side is , the father is free to roam around and do what he likes. His independence is still intact. But the world changes for the mother. The dependency is so much that you can’t even go to the loo peacefully , let alone stepping outside the house. Mothers sacrifice so much more than fathers. I am not doubting the intentions of the men as many men would want to do it equally. But it’s not programmed that way.  Under these circumstances , we realise that women can never be equal to men.   It’s difficult for today’s generation of girls to accept this and live with it.  People never talk about this side of the story and infact many people reading this post of mine would definitely be thinking odd about me for elevating this feeling and how bad it is to think that way.

It is not bad to think this way. It is very very human for young mothers of today’s generation to feel this inequality and be unhappy with it.  We are indeed not age old pativratas who think that their only place is at a man’s feet to serve him and raise children for him. No.  Earlier , women would not have had to deal with these kind of feelings as they were programmed to be less than men and their only job is to be at home and serve the men. May be it was a lot easier for women in those ages to accept the fact that they have a much bigger role to play after children are born. So they never complained. But times have changed. And with the changing times and conditioning of equality between men and women , it is bound to get ugly after having children. Hence , with proper support from your partner and family , there is every need to eradicate this feeling to move on in life.