Meaning of God !

I have always had this agnostic relationship with Idol Worship. Since we are brought up traditionally and culturally , it becomes a habit to sit in front of that idol god or gods or goddesses and pray , but otherwise God has always remained an unknown super natural power in my mind. For me , the super natural external power that controls us is GOD. I don't know if he is inside us or everywhere , but for me, whatever that we cannot do or control even if we want to, resembles GOD. You know , the power that controls a ball to only move downwards when thrown up  , people who understand Science might say , it is gravitational energy. Well for me ,that gravitational force is GOD. Why do things happen only in a certain way even though we want it to happen otherwise. That is GOD.

There have been many instances in my life where I wanted something , but I got something else and eventually I realized that the latter was better and how foolish was I to have wished for the former. Yes , this has happened and a lot. And the only way to explain this is the external force/power that governs us.

For me , the "Pancha Bhootalu" or the 5 elements of nature ( the wind , fire , water, sky and earth ) is GOD. We went to the beach in Durban for Easter and had a very nice time playing in the water. The whole time that I was in  the water , I couldn't help but be very aware of the force of the ocean and the power of the waves. How can anybody challenge this force. WE as human beings are nothing in front of this force. Its a very similar analogy to when someone gets caught in fire or in a tornado. WE have no control over these forces that govern the earth right. As Human beings , the only thing that we can see and touch is this earth and probably the only thing we can see is the Sun and Moon. Do we have control over them ? No. Then how can anybody not believe in GOD ? Did we come on to this earth just like that ? If you have actually seen a mother give birth , I am sure you will agree that it is no less than a miracle. A baby who has lived in the water for 9 months suddenly comes out and starts breathing air.  This for me is GOD.

Its okay to give this force or power a form and workshop it in the form of a Shiva or a Allah or a Jesus. But again , blind faith and extremely conservative behavior is something that I don't strike a chord with. I will get this only if I break 100 coconuts in front of Shiva , I will attain salvation only I go to Mecca. I don't believe in these kind of things.

For me , GOD is the everyday air that I breath , the everyday energy that we can never control.
When you leave something out in the universe , it comes back to you. I believe in this. I believe in surrendering to this power and nothing else.

This and That

You are liked by everyone until you become competition.

I can't agree more. In fact , this is so fu**ing true. Oops , sorry couldn't hold back from saying it. I think that I have a serious issue with being social. My sun sign says that I love interacting with people and people are my strength. But why is it so difficult to find somebody who matches your interests and can be a little honest with you. Why is this world filled with opportunists and what is with the faking everywhere. In the past few years , I have never found anybody who strikes a chord with me , its not that I haven't tried. Sad , isn't it. In fact I have gone above and beyond in making friends. May be that was my mistake. Husband says that you can only make friends if you choose to ignore some of their qualities. How can I compromise on the core moral values of a human being ? I am better off being single than make friends that way.

Whenever the husband watches TV , I get really cross with him and ask him , don't you have anything better to do ? For that , the only answer he gives me is that he is an average individual and a commoner and likes what most people in the world like and not like me with the rarest kind of interests that I have. Really ? Sometimes I wonder , is trying to sleep on time , respecting other people's time and in turn expecting them to respect mine , doing some introspection , staring out of the window for hours, art , music , a little bit of spirituality, speaking the truth and wanting to do something really worthwhile so wrong ? And dont for a second think that I am praising myself. These are the same qualities that are becoming my "cons".

I sometimes ask my parents why am I like this. Why cant I be okay with imperfect things and mediocre stuff. Its like God has created me with an intention of making me fail , in this big bad , imperfect world. Wherever I go , I face the same challenges. People don't like it when you are better than them. And then of course the "gender-bias". How can this "woman" achieve more than me or rather shall I say , "How can I let this woman achieve more than me". This is more on the work front.

I really love this ad from Titan on Gender Bias.
Change the way you look at a woman's success.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hNqwBTCslMw


I really miss those college days when I had a few ( but very good ) friends with whom we used to share everything and laugh our asses out and forget the world. The older you become , the more necessary it becomes to have good and trust worthy people around you. Otherwise it feels so lonely. And for a person who relies so much on peer acceptance , I am not really sure it is such a good idea.

May be you really need a very big heart to accept people as they are. But what about reciprocation and stuff ?

I almost sounded like I am suffering from a "Mid-Life Crisis". Sigh!

Rakhi 2016

This time Mahati is much more aware of what Rakhi is all about. Initially she insisted that she will tie a Rakhi to all her female friends as well. We had to slow her down and explain to her that this is not something that you tie to everybody ( made a mental note to celebrate friendship's day next year and make her tie the friendship band to all her friends ) and that it is special and needs to be tied only to her brothers and pray for their safety. She eventually understood ( though she did buy 2 rakhis for herself ;-) ). Just after Mahati was born , on her behalf , I used to send Rakhi's to all her cousin brothers around the word. A tradition that I continue even today. You see what motherhood does to you , I can forget my own brother but I will not forget to send it to Mahati's brothers :). Hope my brother is not reading this ;-).

Anyway coming back to the tradition. So this time , she chose all the Rakhi for all her brothers and I showed it to her before placing them into envelopes with their addresses. The only tragedy was that , I posted them a month ago , but they didn't reach until today :(. Some broken hearts out there. So, I am asking my mom to buy and give it to them on our behalf. Screw the postal system of South Africa :(.



Here , she did tie the Rakhi to JJ and Ethan ( actual brothers of Caithlin and Isabella ) who now officially or traditionally have become Mahati's brothers :). Look at these cute pics. I ensured that she followed the Haarathi before tying the Rakhis. Cute little fellows :). Spiderman Rakhis and chocolate coins.

Gearing up for Mahati's first Ballet Concert

We are gearing up for Mahati's first Ballet Concert. It is such an amazing experience.The youngest group in the school. I am actually quite impressed with the way things are done in this Dance School. The kids and the parents are given ample amount of time and notice to practice and prepare for the final day. It all started 3 months back where parents were given enough notice of the show dates , rehearsal dates which included rehearsals at the school and the rehearsals on stage which were open for us to go and watch.  It's not about how best the kids will perform on the stage , but it all about this whole experience of going through each bit of it. First of all , following the instructions and learning how to move and perform. And then , its about facing an audience and remembering what was taught and trying to do exactly the same. And then its about watching the older kids perform and learn from them. And then , its also about their new cute little outfits , make up and lipstick. I can just keep going on and on. I learnt so much from all this. Remembering all the dates and making time to go and watch them practice , and then compiling her costume , hairdo , makeup etc etc.  I don't have any experience in doing make up at all , can you imagine. And it was for the first time that I bought a red lipstick , especially for Mahati.

I am really blessed that she is able to continue her classes and we have a Nanny who can drive her to the practice class and then back home. I and Ravi did make an effort to take permission and go watch her practice sessions. And yesterday was her full dress rehearsal at the Theater just one week before the actual performance. It was such a overwhelming experience for me , to firstly see so many cute kids around , all dressed up in their own costumes. And then , we had to leave them there for the duration of around 3 hours all by themselves. Again , I am blessed , because Mahati and her best friend Caithlin are in this together and we at least had the comfort that they are together and can lookout for each other. We went to pick her up at around 5:30 PM which was the time given to us and the show had overrun for a while and we got to watch some of the performances. At the very end , there was a session where all the kids would run to the stage in groups , one by one with their names on a big banner , bow down for the audience and form a line. Mahati's group was the youngest of all and that means that they were the last to arrive and the first ones in the entire crowd right in the front. And that mean we could watch them all along. Finally the whole group would perform a small tribute kind of a dance called "My name is Prince....".

Seeing Mahati on stage was such a happy experience. The fact that she was just standing there , (whether she danced well or not was immaterial ) was enough and I really felt that this feeling is so worth all the hard work we had put in, in the last month getting everything ready and in order and taking her for practice sessions ( even on a public holiday ).

I really started admiring the whole culture of these dance schools and the way they prepare for these annual performances. I really wish I had this kind of childhood and I feel that Mahati is so blessed that she is able to experience all of this. God Bless !!

Eagerly waiting for the actual show day. More pics to follow then :).

Old Habits Die Hard !!

I sometimes really don't understand how people change or adapt so easily. Well , 'adapting' is in a positive context. But the word 'change' can have so many meanings. So let me explain what I meant.
How can you change into something that you have not been so used to from your childhood ? I have always felt that , no matter how much we try to change at a later stage in life , we really tend to go back to way of doing it when we were children.

For example , from my childhood , I have been brought up wearing Indian wear and most of the teenage life has gone past wearing the most common dress in India which is the salwar kameez or the kurtis. Even after 8 years of relocating from India , though I wear formal wear to office , I really crave to wear a kurti now and then.If I am in my formal trousers for 2 days , I certainly choose a kurti on the 3rd day and boy the comfort that I get. It is almost like the feeling of comfort that you get when you land in India after may be a year long of staying outside. The feeling is irreplaceable. And no matter who thinks what , my comfort clothes still remain a salwar kameez and a kurti and proudly so.

But I see so many people who were actually raised in India very similar to wearing what I wore. And then , when they go abroad ( whatever be the reason , study , work etc ) , I see people changing completely. The poor kurti doesn't even have a place in their wadrobe. They do a 360 degree turn in the way they look and behave and act differently. How ? While I agree that people can be different and might want to try out new things , this is not about trying new things. This is about adapting to something very different and actually making it their skin. I really cant understand how people (who have worn salwar all their lives until a point of time ) can suddenly start wearing only shorts and skirts and be completely okay with it and behave as if this is what they were waiting for. Its mostly about the attitude that I am talking about. I am not against trying new things and liking them. No that's not what I am saying.

The same goes with having a bindi on my forehead. I just cant imagine myself without it and I have a certain amount of pride when I wear it , especially to office because it represents that I am from India. But then , I see that so many people are just waiting to get rid of it. Why ? If you have been fighting all your childhood to get rid of it and your parents didn't listen to it , then I understand , that the minute you had the independence , you did what you always wanted to do.

The more I interact with people from outside India here , the more I get a feeling that they do definitely agree with me. Some people really ask me why people from India don't follow their traditions and are not proud of them. Why don't we flaunt the saree or the kurti in front of others here and be proud of it ? The white and the black people here have their own traditions and are so proud of them. They have been brought up in a certain way and they have absolutely no problem continuing the same.

As a matter of fact , one of my friend asked me if I would like to join Mahati for a Ballet class. She has done Ballet all of her school and college life and spoke so passionately about that art and why she wanted her daughter to continue. Why don't we show the same amount of passion or seriousness in continuing our traditions.

I had one of Mahati's friend's mom come over last week and she was amazed with out India masala chai and said we must really make sure that Mahati also drinks this tea because otherwise this tradition is lost here and there is no one to take it forward. She is from China and she really regrets that they don't drink their chinese herbal teas anymore and how they are losing this tradition more and more. Something as small as drinking Indian tea is like a tradition for her. I was so amazed with her observations. I wish , we took our stuff seriously too.

I really admire Rujuta Diwakar in this aspect of "Think Global Eat Global" concept that she has. She really stresses on our grandma's recipes and how we should preserve their way of cooking and eating and continue it and why. Because it has so many benefits to it.

I am not really against trying new things , but I am talking about becoming a completely different person and behave as if you were born and brought up with it. Just my point of view !!

Mommy Diaries - 4

Happiness is….. when you make a fresh batch of these ( Besan ke laddoo ) and your daughter , who is just learning to speak sentences says , “Amma , this is nice , amma , this is nice”. I mean , the purest form of emotion it conveys and I am so blessed to receive it :-)

Last Friday, we had the Ganesh Chaturthi and I was planning from a very long time to make a ganesh Idol all by myself with clay. I spoke to Mahati’s art teacher and took a portion of clay, which they were using in the class anyway and stored it airtight. And on Thursday morning, after Mahati and Ravi left, took a bath and sat down to make it. The end result was amazing!! Take a look.

And the whole of that day, I sat admiring the elephant god and my heart danced around with happiness. I was this happy, after a very very long time and my whole body vibrated with this happiness. Mahati came home and I introduced her to this Elephant God called “Ganesha” and she was happy to see him. Mahati is generally scared of the small temple which I have in my house and stays away from it. I don’t know if it is the lamps that I lit that scare her away. But the good news is that, after we had this clay ganesha, she sat for the pooja and offered flowers to him. And she also rang the bell when I held the aarthi in the evening. So, all positive changes and I hope Ganesha brings all that we desire this coming year!!

This is my second attempt at making eco friendly Ganesha. The first one was in 2012. Here, take a look. I made this with Chapati Dough ( wheat flour ).

Nobody can have it all !!

http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/business/india-business/Why-PepsiCo-CEO-Indra-Nooyi-cant-have-it-all/articleshow/37689157.cms?utm_source=facebook.com&utm_medium=referral

I read this article in which Indira Nooyi shares some of her experiences as a mother and says Women can’t have it all. At first, when I read it, I thought I couldn’t agree more. But after a lot of thought process invested into it, I realised that I beg to disagree with some points. I really do. There are very good points that I completely agree with , like the thing about the biological clock and the career clock in total conflict with each other and dying out of guilt etc.

But there is a very important point that I disagree with.

When you are not able to make it to the coffee meetings at school because you are a working mom and cannot make it and then when your daughter genuinely complains about it, you looking for options to counter attack it? I mean, seriously, taking out a list of names of mothers who couldn’t attend? Is that a genuine enough answer for your daughter who seem to have a genuine and sincere expectation from you as a parent? With all due respect, I beg to differ. The girl had a sincere and a genuine feeling of being upset, and the answer for that should have been an utmost sincere confrontation of her feelings and explanation of why the mother couldn’t make it, that's all..... A simple acknowledgement of her child’s feelings is needed and letting her know that she is a working mom and she is juggling between responsibilities and that she cannot make it. Honesty is what children need and encapsulated with all love, even if you are tending to disagree.

You know, most of the times, I think we feel that we need to mother our children and teach them values. But parenting is all about setting ourselves right, because our children are busy learning every bit of it from us. If we lie, they learn to lie. If we tell the truth, they learn to tell the truth , no matter what. If you make excuses by picking out other options, instead of facing the truth, they will do the same, at some point of time in the future. And then please dear parents, don’t complain when your children give it back to you.

Ultimately, it all boils down to priorities. Everything in life is a choice. And when you have made a choice, accept it with all heart and dare to confront your own feelings first, and in turn your children’s feelings. Because, they deserve answers and we have the responsibility to give it.

Oh yes, I can’t agree more that women can’t have it all. But you know, nobody can have it all, men included. We are humans and putting ourselves before anyone else may not be wrong. Follow your heart, but at the same time, practise some honesty and sincerity with your kids, because as you move on in life, they will become your biggest critics, because remember? They are learning from you and they observe each and every bit of you. You will be fooling yourself if you think you can hide things from them.

This is an honest attempt from me to put forth my feelings on this issue and with all due respect, no offense intended to anybody including Indira Nooyi. Ultimately, we have to be in their shoes to understand what they have gone through.