My Child is growing up……….

So fast. And I really miss this baby and toddler Mahati. These days whenever she sleeps, I can’t help but sit beside her with emotions so strong that they are threatening to burst out of my eyes.

This nostalgic feeling of the peacefully sleeping daughter but at the same time , how much she has grown. She is not a baby or a toddler anymore and I really miss that phase of hers. That phase in my daughter’s life is gone forever and will never come back.

I can’t imagine this day would come when I would really put it into words and grieve the loss of that baby phase so much. I miss those cutie cutie pronunciation of the words , I miss that feeling when she slept on my lap when I sat cross legged in a lotus position. I miss that feeling whenever I picked her up and she would rest her legs on my tummy. I miss those moments so much that it actually hurts.

Why are we parents in such a hurry for the children to grow up ? These phases in her life are never going to come back. And just looking back the pictures and videos is just not enough.

Why couldn’t I just slow down a bit when she was small and enjoy things in a much more relaxed way? Why was I always in a hurry to get things done and get through the day ?

May be I could persuade the days to be a bit longer and the nights to be a bit shorter…………….. just may be !!!

She is a girl now , not a baby girl any more.

So I enjoy the feeling of co-sleeping much more, without any guilt now-a-days because no matter how much you try , your baby will still grow up and get her own room and sleep separately.

So I enjoy and look forward for her to come back from school and chat , because no matter how much I try , she is definitely going to grow up , study and leave the house for higher studies or for a job.

And I am reminding myself that there are only so many more days that she is going to ask for my help and my opinion , because there will definitely come that day when she doesn’t need them anymore.

Damn , there will come that one day when she will not need me any more………

Sanju - Some personal thoughts !

I wouldn't want to comment on Sanjay Dutt's real life and how well the film justifies his real life. I am not here to judge the correctness of whatever was portrayed from Sanjay Dutt's real life. I left all of that to the wind and just went to watch it as a film with a fictional story and to just enjoy the film as a film.

In the entire film , I only saw Sanjay Dutt and never once did I remember that Ranbir Kapoor was the one portraying it. I guess this is the biggest compliment that an actor can ever get. That the audience get involved into the character that is being portrayed so much that they forget the one portraying it. I cannot say anything further. Ranbir Kapoor is GOD. Period !

Raj Kumar Hirani's films are filled with emotions and there is never a dull moment. And this is what I like the most. This film definitely doesn't disappoint from an "entertainment" point of view and from a "human values" point if view. The relationship between the father and son is something that every parent must watch and learn. Because no parent is perfect and no child is perfect. It is ugly and messy , yet so fulfilling and satisfying. Parents have so many expectations from their children that it is but natural that children bear the brunt of it. And we cannot blame the parents because all they want, is to see their child succeed. I guess being the child of a successful father is so difficult. The weight of the expectations pulls you down so much and all you want is a normal childhood and to be a normal child.

It is so important for parents to let children be. And it is so important to acknowledge that we accept them for who they are and not what we want them to be.It is so important to tell a child that he is good enough. Otherwise , they spend their whole life trying to achieve something that might not satisfy their needs or happiness but makes them look good enough in their parents eyes or the society's eyes. This will destroy them.

There are so many such moments in the film which make you think hard and move you to the core.

Friendship is another aspect that is shown so beautifully.The character of Kamli was so refreshing to watch.His concern for the friend , his non-judgmental attitude and above all his selfless love for the other person just melts your heart away.We all need that one friend in our life who will never judge and who will never leave your side no matter what. No matter what life throws at you , it is friendship that makes it all bearable and do-able.

There are life lessons which are the biggest take-away from the film.
A parent who does anything and everything for the son. A son who always looks out for the image of the father. A friend who is indeed a friend in need. It is such a normal movie but still special in so many ways.

Having said that, I have to re-iterate that I definitely don't know what Sanjay Dutt did or did not do in his real-life or whether he deserves this benefit of doubt etc.

Go watch the movie for Ranbir Kapoor and Raj Kumar Hirani.

Gratitude Journals - 3

I have to remind myself of how lucky I am you know :). There is one such event which I would like to remember for long and would want Mahati to know as well. Last weekend , we went shopping for Mahati's summer clothes, clothes in general. It has been a while since we shopped for normal day to day clothes. And thank god for it , but I didn't even need to look at the price tags. We almost went with an open budget and we just chose freely , taking whatever we like and dumping them at a place and then finalizing at the end.

But I must tell you , there were some days when Mahati was very small when we are quite tightly squeezed for money. I still remember going to the same shop in the mall with just R150 in my hand and wanting to buy some frocks for her. I spent almost a half an hour or more , just looking at the prize tags and calculating and checking for permutations and combinations to see how much more can I buy with that money.

You see , these experiences are important. Because that's when you realize the importance of what you don't have , when you finally have it. You see , nothing is permanent.

I am thankful to God for giving us this day. Because it is so much more fulfilling. These little things in Life !!!! :)

Mommy Diaries - 8

Dear Mahati,

Today let’s talk about beauty. It is such a complicated concept you know. But still, I want you to try and understand what actual beauty means. Beauty is not wearing a good dress, beauty is not wearing perfect shoes and beauty definitely doesn’t lie in wearing good necklaces and bangles. Beauty lies in respecting the other person, beauty lies in being sensitive to the other person’s feelings, beauty lies in helping people and trying to bring a smile on their faces. It is so tough to recognise this kind of beauty in a person but being beautiful means not being beautiful on the outside but being beautiful inside , having a kind heart and treating people for what they are worth – there is no reason why you shouldn’t consider another person’s feelings and disregard them. I want you to know that a person is beautiful when he does good things.

Outside beauty is so over-rated. I hate the attention they get and I am left wondering how they single-handedly captivate the other person’s attention just with the way they look. You can try it for yourself, these days social media is such an easy access. Try positing a beautifully written story and see how many likes it gets and try posting a well-dressed picture of yourself and see how many likes it gets. The post with your picture will definitely win. And with that you get the drift, you have absolutely no idea how the person behaves or what his or her personality is, yet the picture wins. Un fortunately that is how the world is.

The popular perception might win, but it doesn’t have to be right. Dare to be right and dare to be good. Always try to understand what a person actually is, how he talks, how he behaves , how he treats you especially. Compassion is becoming a rare thing. Irrespective of how he or she looks, observe how they treat a waiter at a restaurant. It’s says it all. Any fool will respect a person at a honourable position, but only a good-hearted person respects even a waiter at a restaurant and only a beautiful person inside-out will respect the watchman at your doorstep.

Invest in people who are good at heart and who are beautiful in character. Outside beauty always fade, remember that nothing in this world is permanent and among them your body is the first thing that never stays the way it is. One fine day when you are gone, people talk about what you did to make a difference in the world and not how you looked.

As your mother, I have to tell you these things you see. I have to jot them down somewhere, where you can see them even when I am gone.

Love you always!! :)

Gratitude Journals – 2

20^th August 2017, Mushroom Park: One of the ever peaceful sights that I could capture. This is probably one of those pictures where the picture captured less than what I felt at that point of time. I am so grateful for this date and time in my life. Mahati and myself went to Mushroom Park to enjoy the sun and sand on a ridiculously cold afternoon. And just that morning, I bought her a small pocket diary at CNA which fascinated the kid so very much that it surprised me. She spent almost the whole day writing in that book. So here we are sitting under the sun, the both of us , lost in our own thoughts and the kid jotting them down in the book. The amount of peace and gratitude I felt at that moment is so hard to put into words. Mahati, so comfortable and in peace with herself, sitting in a quiet corner completely lost in her own world. And I desperately drinking in the sight like a traveller at an Oasis. God bless us with more of these days.

Killarney Mall in the morning at Europa :

Mommy Diaries - 7 ( Picture Post )

2 Days late at posting this. Independence Day 15th August 2017.

The Indian Daughter-In-law

In India we have this patriarchal system in our culture where after marriage a woman needs to now move into or belong to the Husband’s family. She is a “Paraya Dhan” which means that she is somebody else’s asset from the beginning.  Let’s look at it from different angles.

Probably around 70 years ago :

Young girls were married off at the very young age of 10 or 12 years old , sometimes after the girl attains puberty and sometimes even before the girl attains puberty. So at a very young age her perspective is set, she now knows that she has married somebody and belongs to that family and settles down as a part of that family at a very young age when she is probably not even a teenager. Of course the patriarchy exists , of course the husband is god exists and of course the in-laws are everything exists and the mom-inlaw remains in charge exists. But the good point to be noted is that the daughter-in-law is exposed to them at a very young age and it definitely makes it easier for her to adjust to the new ways of life. Everybody comfortable ultimately.

Now moving on to my mom’s generation ( around 60s and 70s ) :

Woman were married off at probably 20 or 22/23 years. They spend their entire childhood with their actual family and now all of a sudden, they are asked to leave the actual family and settle down with the husband’s family. Such a big change. Even here, the patriarchy exists , of course the husband is god exists and of course the in-laws are everything exists and the mom-in-law still remains in charge. But the point to note is that girls are probably mentally conditioned to be less than the boys and are always raised keeping in mind the fact that they will get married one day and will have to listen to their husbands. And the point to also be noted is that woman used to struggle with the change of suddenly belonging to the in-laws family and ultimately submit to the in-laws and the husband’s needs whether happily or by force. Women silently struggled in this generation and some of them only found freedom after the death of their in-laws or husband. In-laws happy, Husband happy but the daughter-in-law probably not. But everything looks okay, ultimately.

Now let’s move on to my generation, probably the late 80 and 90’s.

The first change is that girls and boys, both are sent to study and they are treated equally in childhood ( well in most cases. I am not denying the fact that gender discrimination exists even in this generation from the parents ). The girls believe that they are no less than the boys and they study equally along side the boys and somehow realize that there is actually no difference between them and boys are not greater than them. Girls study, sometimes go abroad for higher education and get a job and sometimes support their parents. The sense of independence is so much and the parents are proud of them. And then starts the whole drama of looking for a bridegroom. Even here the patriarchy exists, of course the husband is superior exists ( at least in the social sense if not the attitude from the poor husband ) and now all of a sudden in-laws are everything after marriage exists. Sometimes the actual parents want you to believe that you no longer belong to them and now bear the name of your husband’s family. And in the husband’s family , the mom-in-law still wants to remain in charge. But the poor daughter-in-law, who in her entire life up until then believed that boys are equal to girls gets it hard on the face that ultimately it is she who has to leave her family. And now it is ultimately she who has to adjust to the in-law’s family and it is ultimately she who has to silently adjust.

Who do you think in the above three scenarios suffers the most? I am not undermining any woman’s situation or suffering but the girls who are made to believe that they are no less than the boys all their child life are the people who suffer the most. Because the expectations that are set are different and what they see later in life are different. And also because now you have your own voice, you cannot silently suffer like the generation of my mom. Now-a-days girls are independent, they have jobs, they are not dependent for anything on either the parents or the husband. But still, when it comes to marriage and In-laws, the societal normal remain the same? Even in our so called nuclear families it is very much there. The only difference is that the poor husband would want to help in many cases because he too would have had the same education and he too would have grown up with the same girls in his childhood thinking that they are no different. But then later on, these boys who grow up to become responsible men are silenced by the family’s reputation and the societal norms.

You live your life with your parents and siblings up until 25 or even 30 and then suddenly marriage changes everything. I am a daughter-in-law and a sister-in-law and so I am speaking from both the sides, how on the earth are we suppose to belong to a new family now and become their own all of a sudden? You now bear the family name of your husband, you bear children who have their family name and your parents always take a back step because now you are married and they don’t own you any more. And you are left struggling to fit in………………………..sometimes your entire life !!