My heart is beating fast.........my heart is beating fast....

I am always nervous even if I know that I am right and I am fighting for my right. It has not been easy....... not at all easy.......because I am not comfortable talking to new people and in a way I am tired of re-iterating the same issue again and again. All in Vain! Nobody seems to see sense in my argument at all. Even after the case is so clean , nobody seems to see any sense in what I say....... and nobody seems to acknowledge anything.

I guess I am the stupid idiot fighting for this. If it was anybody else , may be they would not have fought for so long............ but I chose not to keep quiet. And I chose to shout out loud.......... no matter what !

But then its a struggle you know.......... its not that easy.......... unfortunately ! :-(

My appraisal. My manager has been quite a good guy though I don’t approve many of his mannerisms and all that. He has always appreciated my passion towards work. My mind knew that he has a good impression on me or atleast thinks that I am out of the crowd. But the way he behaved when it came to my appraisal......... I didn’t expect it at all. I had a discussion with him and he quickly told me that he gave me a ECC but my Level2 manager has changed it without even asking him. And he told me to send him a mail with all the appreciations etc and said that he would fight on my behalf. And I like a little ignorant fool did whatever he wanted and kept reminding him of the issue. He insisted that he wanted a reply from J and will wait for it. Though I knew it was a futile effort , I kept quiet.......... just because he was trying to fight on my behalf. But then , he gave me the greatest jolt of my life. Suddenly one day , he just replied saying that ECC is given to extremely and exceptionally good people and may be I need to do a little more in terms of blah blah blah which he already commented in my appraisal that he is impressed about the same blah blah blah.

Thats it. He just sent this mail and kept quiet. He knew he was contradicting himself , but still chose to do it and left my side in such a horrible way. He didn’t even speak to me about it. Though he knew that somebody else has overrided his decision , he still chose to keep silent. I know why........... because he didn’t want to take it to the next level and spoil his relationship with people. He chose to compromise on his morals and ethics but he didn’t chose to compromise on his relationship with J. Knowing what kind of a guy he is, I just want to ask one question............ doesn’t his conscious prick him for doing this ?

If I were in his place , irrespective of what would happen to me , I would have fought for the right of my subordinate who deserved it. And more than anything , I would have been eager to know what was the reason for changing it when I myself feel that she is an ECC candidate.

I am still fighting for my right and have escalated this to various levels. Nobody seems to even acknowledge that something is definitely wrong except for one person. But ofcourse things were not in his hands either.

Even after having so many appreciation mails and even after working so hard for one year and even after getting ECC from my direct supervisor , why do I have to go through all this ?

Dedicated to Tejaswee Rao

Her Blog Link : http://blabberblah.wordpress.com/

Its very strange how I got to know about Tejaswee and her life. Last Friday , I was just browsing through random blogs in Google and through somebody else’s blog ( I don’t even remember whom ) , I came to this blog which was kind of unique. I was flattered by the first post “A Letter to the Future”. And then I could not stop myself from reading her entire blog. Little did I expect that she is no more now. It left a deep impact in my heart that day.

Its really true that our life is so uncertain. When we get up in the morning, we don’t even know whether we will come back to the same bed that we got up. This blog of TJ (like her friends call her) left a really deep impact in my heart. And the fact that she is no more and the fact that it all happened in damn 10 to 12 days really startled me. God give strength to her family and friends to cope with the loss.

I spent 2 whole days reading her blog and then further found links to her mother and friends blogs. It was really good reading about all their experiences. TJ was an animal lover and wanted to adopt a child in the future. She spread optimism and laughter wherever she was. Her thoughts are really divine.

I took one resolution that day.......... that I will always continue blogging. In future, even if I am no more, my dear ones can always treasure my blog and my writings............ just the way Tejaswee is still alive because of her blog :-)

Rest in Peace Tejaswee......... I really wish I had known you before. I dedicate this post to you and all your dear ones who are coping with your absence.

Why do we always need to fight for the correct things to happen ?

“Rules are meant to be broken”. I am fed up of this phrase..... seriously......

It may not be “Rules” , but don’t people have “Morals and Ethics” ? Don’t their conscious prick them when they do something like cheating people or using the allowances provided to them for their own convenience?

I know I pose lots of questions and my thoughts seldom have a full stop. But I can’t help it. I just cant help getting annoyed with all the “S***T” that keeps happening.

Let me give you an example..... “A Pension Clerk”. Does he understand the criticality or the sensitivity of his job ? How many people who sit on the customer facing side of the Pensions Department in India have the dedication to get things done on time? How many of them understand the sensitivity of the issue and how many of them understand the emotions and the needs attached to each and every Pension Case that comes to them? How many of them really feel .......“let me do my best to bring smiles on at least some of them on time” ? They need not do something extra-ordinary for this. They just need to do their job right..... that’s all is the DEMAND. But Alas! Not many people can fulfil this too. What a shame!

Taking Office stationery home and using office benefits for personal purposes. And when it comes to claims , I just don’t need to elaborate. Its the will and wish of the people who claim and the people approve it. The people who work hard hardly get recognised. They know he deserves it , but still deny it. And there is nobody to explain this unfair thing. All they needed to do was think with their minds and hearts ON. I guess “Honesty and Sincerity” have lost their real sense long back. I can show infinite such examples everyday........ everywhere ! You can compromise on anything but not on the “RIGHT” things right?

Why do we always need to fight for the right things to happen ? Everybody is hell-bent on bending the rules and laws in their own will and wish ! Is there nobody who can stop this ? X-(

My heart just cries out loud :-( !!

After a very very long time...............

Its been ages since I tried to blog..........partly because I was pre-occupied with so much other stuff in my life !! It has been more than an year in Johannesburg now and more than three years in Wipro :-) and more than an year married ! Quite a big deal!

So many things have changed in the past one year.....I spent one successful year in Testing and now I am again back to my own stream SAP Support. Didn’t really think that it would be possible.... but finally managed it..... Thanks to my managers and some amount of luck as well.

South Africa is a beautiful place except the concerns on security and stuff like that. Cannot walk freely on the streets and have to be cautious on what places to visit etc. Apart from that , really enjoyed the beauty of this country and my sweet little home in San Marino........got so much attached to it and just don’t feel like leaving it...... after all my first home.... or should I say our ( Ravi& Me) first sweet little home.

Learnt so many things after leaving my parents and my home in Hyderabad. First of all , learnt how lucky I was staying with my parents all along. Amma would do everything for me and I would still complain that things are not right..... but now.... I have a home of my own and I should take care of it....... Wow!!l Looks Wow.... but when I actually got into it , understood the difficulty.... hahahaha...
As a woman , working as well as trying to manage my home has been quite challenging. Though Ravi doesnot have too many demands at home , its difficult to convince myself that I am not able to do everything that a “Dharam Patni” shoud ideally do :-). I love arranging my home , keeping it neat and clean and above all , I love cooking for my husband. Ravi says , not required. But its hard to convince myself :-).

Arey haan , “I love cooking for my husband” se yaad aayaaa......... there is huge change in the perception after marriage you know. I forget thinking about what I like and I always end up thinking of what Ravi likes. If I am in a vegetable shop , I look around for veggies and fruits which are Ravi’s favs. Aloo is Ravi’s favourite....... so I end up making aloo sabji in different ways very frequently. Its like you have lost yourself literally but found yourself in your family’s joy. If I am like this now..... then God only should know how I will change when I have kids :-).

With Ravi , it had always been like being with a friend on par rather than with a husband who is supposed to be superior. May be because of the very less age difference between us , or because we are colleagues as well. I have always imagined a married life with a person who is more powerful than me , more superior to me in age , experience and everything and I just listening to him...... very filmy right ;-) But it was never that way with Ravi. Yes , he is superior in his thoughts and very very matured when it comes to supporting me in my thick and thin , but always on par giving me the prime importance and the freedom I needed.

Hmm.... now since I have again started posting things , I guess I will be blogging frequently.I am actually not practising any of my so-called hobbies which now remain just on papers :-(. I brought my violin when I went to India in March , but didn’t get to lay hands on it till today. Guess I should take out more time for myself !!

25th June 2009 : Two Years In Wipro!!!!

What a journey it has been :-) !!!!

Two years back…………after we just wrote our engineering exams , I got my joining date at Wipro. Training at Bangalore and Posting at Hyderabad. And I am the only person from my entire batch to have my training at Bangalore. All the others got their training location too, at Hyderabad.


Phew!!!……Bangalore…..an unknown un-easiness entered my body and mind. Unknown City………new environment………..new people…first time out of my house in my entire life…..and CHANGE , the thing I dread the mostttttt……….Hesitation and restlessness filled my mind and soul for the rest of the day. But there was no option , I had to go. June 25th , 2007 was the joining date at the Electronic City.
Technology : SAP……………Now what is this??……I spelt it together “sap”. Haven’t heard of it before. I knew C , C++ , Java , Unix……but what is this “sap” ?? I typed it in Google and waited to see the results. ERP Software I came to know…………software product integrating the best business practices………


Hmmm….I thought…..Hope I will be able to do well!! :-)


My mother came along with me to find a paying guest accommodation and settle me at Bangalore where my cousin sister stays. Koramangala , National Games Village is the place where we saw the first PG and I said yes instantly………….I somehow liked the place immediately… :-). There were two temples nearby , one Panchamukha Aanjaneya and another Prasanna Ganapathi. The temples looked like heaven and I thought of visiting them every Saturday early morning at 6:00 . The early morning chillness and the flower decorated moorti with illuminating oil diyas!! What a sight – Heaven !!


And then the first day at Office with my new “Id Card”………..an entirely different feeling….But I was alone…….completely alone………There were soo many people in our “sap” batch who knew each other already………were from the same college and some of them , best friends too. The place looked alien to me and it scared the hell out of me. I felt as if I am the only person for whom , all the others were complete strangers. What a challenge!! I have to get along with this entire set of people alone and who knows….. with whom I might end up being friends by the end of these three months… :-) ( Touchwood I made some wonderful friends, for a lifetime !!)


And on the first day of training , all of us got to know that it is not “sap” but “S.A.P” ( Systems Applications and Products). And we were told that , now as we are gonna be SAP professionals , we should never say “sap” and educate people who say so…..not to say so..


I didn’t have the opportunity to interact with many people or rather got lost in the number of min-groups present……….and hence I became a silent observer for the rest of my training. The only work I had or used to do were , concentrate on the training classes and observe the people around me. During the first month , I used to have my lunch alone most of the times and I hated this part. I sweared to myself that I will never allow this to happen to anybody else for the rest of my life! I will never let anybody feel “lonely” or “alone”.


The three months were a roller coaster ride……….and I still find it hard to recognize the roads of Bangalore. Every weekend , I used to go to one of my family friend’s place( same place)….and every time , I used to get lost somewhere or the other. Roaming around the un-known streets of Bangalore, alone, and interacting with the 11 other new people in my PG were the challenging tasks that I used to perform ;-) heheheheheh . Every girl in my PG had a new story to tell everyday and I kept becoming more and more a listener , which is actually against my nature. I learnt about many things in those few months and I also realized how important my past was and my family is, whom I generally tend to take as very very obvious. Indeed , how lucky was I to have such a strong family structure and people to take care of me.


If the first three months at Bangalore was one kind of learning , the rest of the 1 year 9 months at Hyderabad in my first and only project till now is another huge kind of learning. These 21 months at my project were again a mixed bag of experiences and huge learning. I was amongst very nice and knowledgeable people , from whom I learnt all the nuances of work. I learnt how to talk , how to behave , and even how to draft a simple mail. And I will be grateful to my gurus here who taught me all these. It has been a superb experience and I regret that I will have to leave it :-(.


Well , my husband keeps advising me not to get emotionally attached to the people around me. He says , “get attached to the work and not the people. Otherwise , you will only find it difficult” . But, emotion and people are my strength and motivation and will remain so. May be, I might face difficulties because of this , but this IS my way of life!! :D


Oh yeah , I almost forgot :-) . At the completion of two years at Wipro , I have two major achievements in my kitty. One , my professional work getting appreciated and getting an opportunity to lead a team. And the second , an achievement at my personal front. I married a Wiproite recently……….…nope , its not a love marriage !!


I always believe that things happen with a purpose and a reason. I strongly believe in “Destiny”. And this co-incidence makes my belief even more stronger!!


When I was recruited into Wipro at my campus , I and my best buddy got into different companies and we were very unhappy about this as this would have to separate us geographically and ultimately lose touch with each other. I felt even more stupid as I was alone at Bangalore.


But now I get it ;-). My soul mate was hiding here and I had to find him…..hehehehehe
What say Raviiii ?? ;-))))
With all these wonderful and tough experiences , I am gearing up for another BIG CHANGE, professionally and personally. But this time , I am not alone!! :-)

Rice Plate Phenomenon!!!

We rarely understand the other person’s point of view!!

Some days back , I was just changing the channels jet speed in order to find some interesting stuff to watch at a very late hour of the day. It was a Saturday and as usual I was completely bored and sleep said a no-no…

Something caught my attention…..it said “Das kahaaniyaan” and atlast I was curious…
It was a movie…..a collection of short stories………each story conveyed a point….some basic “gyaan” of life I thought…..
In this collection was a short story called “Rice Plate” acted by Shabana Azmi and Naseeruddin Shah!! Shabana Azmi was an orthodox Brahmin Lady and was traveling from her town to her cousin’s place I guess. In the railway station , he goes to the canteen and buys herself a rice plate.She puts at one of the benchces provided and goes to get herself some water. When she comes back , she finds Naseeruddin Shah , a muslim old man eating the rice plate. She gets furious on seeing him and sits opposite to him. The guy though startled at her behaviour continues eating. She gets really furious and starts eating from the same plate that he is eating. Finally the guy gives up and surrenders the plate to her and leaves. She finishes eating triumphantly and when she is about to leave , she sees another un-touched rice plate in just the adjacent bench. Then she realizes her mistake.


This is what happens to most of us. We tend to look at things from only our perspective.
I don’t blame anybody for this. It is perfectly human :-)
From our eyes , it might look like a square. But the same thing might look like a rectangle to some others!!
But I guess , the only people who stand out , are the ones who understand the other person’s point of view. To be able to put ourselves in the shoes of others and understand their reactions , is what that makes life challenging and meaningful!!

Now………….this, is not as easy as I just wroteeeeeee!!! Heheheheh

Yee Rishtaa Kyaa kehlaata hai!!

April 4th , 2009 : It is exactly one month since we got married!!

The red sindhoor at the tip of my hair , the bangles and especially the long mangalasutra (which comes out and grabs my attention whenever I bend down)…………all of them remind me every now and then that there is another person in my life , who is as important as myself to me.

The last one month has been the most mind blowing experience of my life!

Right from the settling of the marriage till Ravi going back to Jo’Burg…..everything was just like some fairy tale…………some movie clipping………

We kept reminding each other of the fact that we are married now , for almost 15 days after the D-day………..Pataa nahin yaar……..digest karnaa bahut mushkil thaaa…..hehehehe………..

Two of the many incidents which confirmed that I am a married girl now, mentally, are:

Incident no 1:

This happened on March 17^th……the day Ravi went back to Jo’Burg……

Ravi went for some shopping and left his phone at home. One of his colleague from Jo’Burg called up…..

The conversation went on this way….

Other person : I am X calling from Jo’Burg….can I speak to Ravi?

Me: Ravi forgot his cellphone at the house. He has gone for some shopping…. Do you want to leave a message for him…

Other person : May I know who is speaking?

Me : I am his wife speaking (Without even thinking for a second. As if it was very very usual and I am saying it for the infineth time.)

Other person : Oh ok…Congratulations!!

Can you believe this…………..

I am sure the person who spoke to me would have gone crazy as to how this girl, who just married Ravi , seemed so usual already?

I am still wondering as to how that sentence just came out of my mouth so spontaneously………….

The paradox was……we were still struggling to get used to the fact that we are married……and suddenly this sentence comes out of my mouth so spontaneously, without even giving a pause…….Strange!!

Does this mean………..I have accepted the fact sub-consciously? ;-) Heheheh

Incident no 2:

I have always felt that my mother’s role is a very enjoyable one, as she has her husband and kids whom she can depend on. Incase of an argument , she cleverly switches sides…..sometimes towards the children, blaming her husband……and sometimes towards her husband, blaming her children………….

I used to be very envious of this thing that she enjoyed.............

Two weeks back , a similar kind of thing happened. We had an argument at home and suddenly my mother changed the side , and started complaining to my father that I am not responsible etc etc…….

My instant reaction to that:

“ Not only you , even I have a person to complain now!!”

( Did I really say this?? Did I?? Did I?? )

That’s it !! My mother was shocked and my father could not stop laughing……

He said to my mother…….”Yeah she is right. If you have your husband to complain about her, now she has her husband to complain about you. Simple!!”

I kept thinking the whole day , again , as to how did this sentence come out of my mouth without my notice.

The same question again…….. “Have I already accepted the fact sub-consciously?”

Obviously , the answer is “Yes”(true to my innerself). Ofcourse my outer ego will never agree to this ;-)

Today we celebrate the completion of one month of our married life , in which we have been together for two weeks and we have been very far away from each other for the next two weeks( Doesn’t it seem too small for the build-up that I have given above…..hehehehe…..anyways…..leave it)

I carry a mixed bag of experiences regarding the last one month……….happiness , excitement , disappointment , sadness , neutralness etc etc etc………...everything………

But yeah one thing……….

Yee Rishtaa Kyaa Kehlaata Hai??

Dheeree Dheeree Samajh Mein Aa Rahaa Hai!! :-)